Numerous web searches on a number of sites have lead me to this place. A place I'd like to call: Panic.
It started with a harmless search for a job for a friend on the State of Colorado website. Then, a visit to the State of New Mexico's website confirmed the same news: hiring freeze.
Until now, all the talks about "recession" and "poor economy" and "deficit" were just terms - unrelated to me and those around me. I have a job. My best friends have jobs. They aren't struggling in the "down" economy. But it all became real when I looked at my life just six months from now.
In six months, I will be gearing up to graduate - taking comprehensive exams and finishing up a research project based on the experiences of my summer fellowship - and I will probably have that nagging sensation that somehow, someway, I should have a plan. It's already beginning to come to fruition in my planner brain (that which I cannot help). I've always had a plan. Even when I graduated the first time, I had a plan to enter a bright and shiny career in journalism. Initially, the career didn't come, but I only had to wait two months for two stellar job offers to come my way - unheard of for someone as green and "just out of school" as me. I didn't freak out because I had a waitressing job to fall back on should I ever need it, and it never occurred to me that this would ever be "unacceptable."
Now, I look forward a bit to that six month mark and I wonder what I'm going to do with a "bad" economy like this. Now, the recession is hitting closer and closer to home. Friends who are overly qualified for a number of jobs are applying to be assistant managers at Wal-Mart and others are struggling to find even temp work. Still others are taking teaching positions that pay peanuts in order to make ends meet.
All this stirs up the rumblings of a panic attack.
My mom is constantly telling me things will be fine - which is obviously what moms do - and she claims things will all fall into place for me in the end, like they always have. But I have come to question this logic. In some ways, I've been lucky to achieve what I have achieved. In other ways, I have a long way to go before truly becoming "successful." It starts (and ends) with the degree I've worked for the past three years (off and on) and setting myself up to maneuver into the next step.
With the next six months of my life planned (almost) to the day, what lies beyond is almost too much to comprehend. "Luck" and "circumstance" aside, there isn't much I know. Except uncertainty. And that's just what I fear the most.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Day One
Well, here I am. In Santa Fe at my new digs, which is inside the New Mexico Film Office and Museum in Downtown Santa Fe. Literally 10 steps away from the Rail Runner station and only a five-minute walk from the Plaza. Across the street (where I spent my lunch break) is a little cafe inside a shopping center that has all of these little cutesy boutique shops that have handmade clothes, European jewelry and just about everything I can't really afford. Oh, and they have a Borders...which is good since I have (in one day between the train and lunch) read 120 pages of my book that I started this morning. I might need many more than I brought.
Rewind.
I'm in Santa Fe for the Governor's Fellowship, which has allowed me a 10-week fellowship with the state department of my choosing. For this, I chose the Economic Development Department, which oversees new industries in the state as well as various other endeavors such as the New Mexico Film Office. Originally, the EDD had assigned me to the Spaceport Office in Las Cruces, which they informed me of the morning of the fellows orientation on Thursday afternoon...a mere three hours AFTER I moved all of my stuff into Lauren and Staci's apartment in Albuquerque and only one day after packing and loading everything I possess into a storage unit less than a mile from the apartment that used to be mine. In other words, going back to Las Cruces was NOT an option. After a mild panic attack for this new revelation...I kindly (but firmly) informed the woman in charge that I had moved to Albuquerque for this opportunity and that I couldn't return any time soon, since there was nothing to return to (aside from my smelly brother's couch...and that's just not an option).
So, this morning after I woke up at 5 a.m. (after not getting much sleep last night - anxiety mixed with fear of not waking up in time), and drove to the Rail Runner station (which is only TWO MINUTES from my house), I was on my way on the one hour, 10 minute journey that is the trek to Santa Fe. I showed up when I was supposed to at the Montoya Building (really close to the train station) and met a few of the other fellows that will be working in the EDD (five altogether). Three of us showed up and I was (again) informed that I would be in the Las Cruces Spaceport office. I said "No, that should have been worked out," and they confirmed with the Cabinet Secretary that I was speaking the truth, and the three of us were ushered into our respective offices. However, my office was Downtown in the NM Film Office, which was scary at first and a relief thereafter. The train stops JUST 10 STEPS AWAY FROM MY BUILDING!
I spent most of the morning researching the Film Office and the duties and responsibilities they have to production companies and those locals who want to become employed with the film industry in New Mexico. The opportunities are endless! The office casual, but professional and so far, the people have been extremely polite and helpful. I have yet to find out what project I will be working on, but I'm sure that will happen soon.
The whole point of this fellowship experience is to find enough information to write a research project that has to do with policy implications of film in New Mexico. My work here will hopefully open the doors to all of this information and allow me to develop a research question and paper idea on how New Mexico works to promote its budding film industry and the ways in which the public can be involved in these efforts. Hopefully I will find out soon what will occupy my time for the next 10 weeks, but until then, it's email letters to my friends.
Oh, and did I mention how the weather is fabulous? No wonder people live in Santa Fe...it's actually COOL in the SUMMER. Unheard of everywhere else in New Mexico (especially Cruces). I'm going to find it awfully difficult to return to the blazing heat in August. Lord, help me, but I'm hoping to remain a Santa Fe girl.
Rewind.
I'm in Santa Fe for the Governor's Fellowship, which has allowed me a 10-week fellowship with the state department of my choosing. For this, I chose the Economic Development Department, which oversees new industries in the state as well as various other endeavors such as the New Mexico Film Office. Originally, the EDD had assigned me to the Spaceport Office in Las Cruces, which they informed me of the morning of the fellows orientation on Thursday afternoon...a mere three hours AFTER I moved all of my stuff into Lauren and Staci's apartment in Albuquerque and only one day after packing and loading everything I possess into a storage unit less than a mile from the apartment that used to be mine. In other words, going back to Las Cruces was NOT an option. After a mild panic attack for this new revelation...I kindly (but firmly) informed the woman in charge that I had moved to Albuquerque for this opportunity and that I couldn't return any time soon, since there was nothing to return to (aside from my smelly brother's couch...and that's just not an option).
So, this morning after I woke up at 5 a.m. (after not getting much sleep last night - anxiety mixed with fear of not waking up in time), and drove to the Rail Runner station (which is only TWO MINUTES from my house), I was on my way on the one hour, 10 minute journey that is the trek to Santa Fe. I showed up when I was supposed to at the Montoya Building (really close to the train station) and met a few of the other fellows that will be working in the EDD (five altogether). Three of us showed up and I was (again) informed that I would be in the Las Cruces Spaceport office. I said "No, that should have been worked out," and they confirmed with the Cabinet Secretary that I was speaking the truth, and the three of us were ushered into our respective offices. However, my office was Downtown in the NM Film Office, which was scary at first and a relief thereafter. The train stops JUST 10 STEPS AWAY FROM MY BUILDING!
I spent most of the morning researching the Film Office and the duties and responsibilities they have to production companies and those locals who want to become employed with the film industry in New Mexico. The opportunities are endless! The office casual, but professional and so far, the people have been extremely polite and helpful. I have yet to find out what project I will be working on, but I'm sure that will happen soon.
The whole point of this fellowship experience is to find enough information to write a research project that has to do with policy implications of film in New Mexico. My work here will hopefully open the doors to all of this information and allow me to develop a research question and paper idea on how New Mexico works to promote its budding film industry and the ways in which the public can be involved in these efforts. Hopefully I will find out soon what will occupy my time for the next 10 weeks, but until then, it's email letters to my friends.
Oh, and did I mention how the weather is fabulous? No wonder people live in Santa Fe...it's actually COOL in the SUMMER. Unheard of everywhere else in New Mexico (especially Cruces). I'm going to find it awfully difficult to return to the blazing heat in August. Lord, help me, but I'm hoping to remain a Santa Fe girl.
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