Who was I kidding when I signed up to work retail during the holidays? Just kidding....it's not so bad, just insanely busy. Today, I worked at 7:45 a.m. and there were people actually lined up at the door. Insane!
There isn't much of a reason for this post other than I am excited for Christmas and being able to go home, relax and enjoy my family. And the presents are a draw, too...more giving them than receiving, although receiving is nice.
It's late. I am tired and so I will say goodnight and Merry Christmas!
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
4-Mile Magic
I did it. I ran the whole thing...four miles last night.
I left work about 4:45 because I wanted to run before it was dark (I was by myself this time). I turned up my "pump up" music (a.k.a. Timbaland) really loud and on my way over to La Llorona, I decided I would try and go for the four mile mark. I never know from one day to the next how I will feel when I strap on my iPOD and start jogging. Some days I feel like I can't get a breath, the next I will run and run and run and not be tired, but yesterday I knew it was the day I could go as far as the sun would allow.
The first mile was difficult....daunting. But I cranked up Avril Lavigne and kept going. The next half mile went by like a breeze, but it helped that the sunset was making the Organ Mountains glow in an orange-y, purple kind of color and my mind was solely on the beauty of the landscape. I thought about how moving away from here would make me miss the unique beauty of the Southwest and by the time I was done daydreaming, I passed under the I-10 bridge, well on my way to the two-mile turn around point. I crossed over a irrigation ditch, with cold, running water and made it to the two-mile mark without much thought. When I turned around to go back, halfway to my goal, I took a deep breath and celebrated a little in my head.
The next mile sailed by. I had enough stamina to truly run without thinking about my breathing, although my foot hurt (stress fracture in my middle toe)...I was not going to give up on this milestone. The last mile was easy, too...all I could think about was getting back to my car to call my friends and family to tell them I was finally making progress.
I have to admit, when I finished and passed the "4-mile" marker, I jumped up and down waving my arms like Sylvester Stallone in "Rocky."
It's not huge in the scheme of things, but successfully completing those four miles did more for me than 1,000 compliments ever could. The sense of accomplishment is outstanding and now I truly knows what it is like to feel invincible.
Only 22 more to go...
I left work about 4:45 because I wanted to run before it was dark (I was by myself this time). I turned up my "pump up" music (a.k.a. Timbaland) really loud and on my way over to La Llorona, I decided I would try and go for the four mile mark. I never know from one day to the next how I will feel when I strap on my iPOD and start jogging. Some days I feel like I can't get a breath, the next I will run and run and run and not be tired, but yesterday I knew it was the day I could go as far as the sun would allow.
The first mile was difficult....daunting. But I cranked up Avril Lavigne and kept going. The next half mile went by like a breeze, but it helped that the sunset was making the Organ Mountains glow in an orange-y, purple kind of color and my mind was solely on the beauty of the landscape. I thought about how moving away from here would make me miss the unique beauty of the Southwest and by the time I was done daydreaming, I passed under the I-10 bridge, well on my way to the two-mile turn around point. I crossed over a irrigation ditch, with cold, running water and made it to the two-mile mark without much thought. When I turned around to go back, halfway to my goal, I took a deep breath and celebrated a little in my head.
The next mile sailed by. I had enough stamina to truly run without thinking about my breathing, although my foot hurt (stress fracture in my middle toe)...I was not going to give up on this milestone. The last mile was easy, too...all I could think about was getting back to my car to call my friends and family to tell them I was finally making progress.
I have to admit, when I finished and passed the "4-mile" marker, I jumped up and down waving my arms like Sylvester Stallone in "Rocky."
It's not huge in the scheme of things, but successfully completing those four miles did more for me than 1,000 compliments ever could. The sense of accomplishment is outstanding and now I truly knows what it is like to feel invincible.
Only 22 more to go...
Sunday, December 9, 2007
I need new shoes. I am getting old.
I used to be able to walk for a double shift at Cracker Barrel for hours and hours and hours without blinking. Now, I work nine hours at Barnes & Noble and my feet are begging to be cut off! I must be getting old!
I am basically tired of books at this point in my life. And Christmas. And activating gift cards.
BUT, what I am not tired of is running. I woke up this morning, text messaged Jeff, Claudia and Anela and ran the three miles my training said to. The weather was absolutely perfect...not too warm, not too cold, with a slight breeze and the fresh air that only comes with morning. La Llorona is so peaceful...and this morning was no different. There were a few people scattered about and I passed my aunt and uncle as they rode their bikes down the path. It felt great...I felt accomplished and I have realized that it feels great to finish one step among many on the way to something great.
I promise to all two of my readers that I will try to write more often this week...whenever I can. I have a hectic, crazy and all-out insane week ahead, but I will try my best.
I am basically tired of books at this point in my life. And Christmas. And activating gift cards.
BUT, what I am not tired of is running. I woke up this morning, text messaged Jeff, Claudia and Anela and ran the three miles my training said to. The weather was absolutely perfect...not too warm, not too cold, with a slight breeze and the fresh air that only comes with morning. La Llorona is so peaceful...and this morning was no different. There were a few people scattered about and I passed my aunt and uncle as they rode their bikes down the path. It felt great...I felt accomplished and I have realized that it feels great to finish one step among many on the way to something great.
I promise to all two of my readers that I will try to write more often this week...whenever I can. I have a hectic, crazy and all-out insane week ahead, but I will try my best.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Running is good.
Despite the outstanding title of this entry...it's not as great at you may think.
Actually....it's better!!!! Tonight, I finally didn't feel like dying after I ran what I was supposed to. I even walked two and a half extra miles later after that. I know, right?
In all the books I have read, they said you just build and build and build and I thought it was a crock. Now, I know it's true because I have experienced it. It also helps that I have a great running partner (who is faster and more fit), but pushes me nonetheless. We motivate each other and remain accountable to each other, which is good.
Just thought everyone should know I am feeling great!
Actually....it's better!!!! Tonight, I finally didn't feel like dying after I ran what I was supposed to. I even walked two and a half extra miles later after that. I know, right?
In all the books I have read, they said you just build and build and build and I thought it was a crock. Now, I know it's true because I have experienced it. It also helps that I have a great running partner (who is faster and more fit), but pushes me nonetheless. We motivate each other and remain accountable to each other, which is good.
Just thought everyone should know I am feeling great!
Friday, November 23, 2007
It's Beginning to Look a lot like...
...Christmas!
I saw my first decorated house tonight on my way home from Deming after Thanksgiving. I am excited to start the holiday season...my favorite time of year!
I saw my first decorated house tonight on my way home from Deming after Thanksgiving. I am excited to start the holiday season...my favorite time of year!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Up, Up and Away
Saturday morning, I had the immense pleasure of tagging along on a little trip my coworker, Anela, set up as part of a story for Living in Las Cruces magazine...a trip across the Mesilla Valley in a hot air balloon.
We met in the parking lot of Mayfield High School; myself, Anela and her boyfriend, Ed, Claudia, Jeff and Jesse, our photographer and a good friend. It was freezing and we were all bundled up, our breaths visible in the early morning. The balloon crew pulled up and gave us directions, talked to us about the process of setting up to fly, then we walked across the parking lot to help unload the trailer. All the while, Jesse was snapping photos for the article, which will come out in a future edition.
Anela and Ed were the first ones up for a ride, so Jesse, Claudia, Jeff and I jumped in my car and tried following the chase crew for the next landing. Jesse had the window rolled down, snapping pictures above the car. We turned west onto Picacho Avenue and passed the chase crew, so we pulled into the center lane. Jesse continued to snap photos, and as soon as the chase crew drove by, we started to follow, but when I turned back onto the street, a Dona Ana County Sherriff's deputy pulled us over, thinking Jesse's camera was a bomb or gun or something. He looked at all of us like we were crazy.
He let us go (thank God!), but we had lost the balloon chase crew, so we just tried to find it ourselves. Turns out, we are really good at balloon chasing, and we found the balloon before the chase crew did! We jumped out of the car, but were still a ways away from the balloon, and we had to jump a six-foot fence. On the other side of a fence was an irrigation ditch that none of us saw...and I almost lost my footing jumping over. Jeff and Claudia rushed over to the balloon, then went up...I was off again, jumping over the fence to get back to my car and chase down the balloon.
Next, it was my turn, along with Jesse. We trekked through a field of mud to get to the balloon, hopped in and we were off.
It was probably the most exhilarating experience of my life, flying over the trees and the houses and the dogs barking and chasing their tails, confused. I informed our pilot, Jim, that I wanted to be proposed to in a hot air balloon, and Jim obliged, then told me of a couple in Taos and their unique proposal a couple hundred feet above the Earth. Jim had us look out over the horizon, and there were nothing but pecan trees for miles. Jim said he would land the balloon in a small patch of land being developed by G.L. Green. We had to land fast, so Jim said that it would be a hard one. We actually had to go so low, we went through five or six pecan trees, breaking branches off and getting wet from the moisture still sitting on the leaves.
Jim called it a "Yee-Haw Landing," and we were going pretty fast. He said to hang on to the ropes and brace ourselves for impact by bending our knees. We hit so hard, it jarred me into the side of the basket, bruising both of my knees. As were were trying to recover, the balloon almost fell over and I could see myself tumbling out of the basket into the mud. Luckily, we had stabilized and the crew dragged us over to the road so we could disassemble the balloon. What a rush! I was still shaking when I climbed into my car to drive back to Mayfield.
In the parking lot, the crew set out the breakfast they had prepared for us, including mimosas. They called it the traditional "Champagne breakfast" and we were then initiated into the club of balloon chasers by having champagne poured over our heads. The crew was outstanding and we laughed about the whole experience. We went home a little buzzed, beaming from ear-to-ear and with one less thing to do on our list of things to experience in this lifetime.
Celebrity Watch...in the LC?!?!
There I was...minding my own business, working the parking lot cashwrap, when who do I see walk in? Yep. Kim Basinger. She was with her mom and was wearing a long coat, sunglasses and a maroon headband. In the Las Cruces Barnes & Noble! Insane, right?
She bought a couple cookbooks and bookmarks, but the one thing I noticed is that her skin is flawless and she is gorgeous, plus she is very nice. Feel free to be jealous.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
There's A New Kid In Town
Back to the world of books...only this time it's a frustrating tale of what happens when people fail to get to know the REAL you.
When you are the "new" kid at a new job, isn't completely normal to just hang back and observe for a while before jumping in to any "cliques"? You work a few shifts, make friends with those people who are training you or the ones that you have a good interaction with...but you don't go overboard on joking and laughing until you get to know the person and their sense of humor. You automatically feel excluded because there are people there who have been there forever...and are best friends with the other people who have been there forever. I am not one to interrupt or be obnoxious when they are going about their business and cracking jokes while leaving the "newbies" out of the conversation...I will just go find something else to do. It's called taking initiative.
Word of Advice: Be careful doing this, folks. You MAY be regarded as "stand-offish" and "snobby." It's not okay to be quiet and do your job.
That's what I am going through in the new place.
But I am of the belief that you can learn something once, then you should try it on your own and make sure you have it. Not hard. I don't NEED to learn the same damn thing 50 times. The best training I have ever gone through has been a few instructions on what not to do, then being turned loose to make my own mistakes and ask questions. I am not used to being watched over and having people over my shoulder constantly.
I guess that's the price you pay when you are the new kid in town.
When you are the "new" kid at a new job, isn't completely normal to just hang back and observe for a while before jumping in to any "cliques"? You work a few shifts, make friends with those people who are training you or the ones that you have a good interaction with...but you don't go overboard on joking and laughing until you get to know the person and their sense of humor. You automatically feel excluded because there are people there who have been there forever...and are best friends with the other people who have been there forever. I am not one to interrupt or be obnoxious when they are going about their business and cracking jokes while leaving the "newbies" out of the conversation...I will just go find something else to do. It's called taking initiative.
Word of Advice: Be careful doing this, folks. You MAY be regarded as "stand-offish" and "snobby." It's not okay to be quiet and do your job.
That's what I am going through in the new place.
But I am of the belief that you can learn something once, then you should try it on your own and make sure you have it. Not hard. I don't NEED to learn the same damn thing 50 times. The best training I have ever gone through has been a few instructions on what not to do, then being turned loose to make my own mistakes and ask questions. I am not used to being watched over and having people over my shoulder constantly.
I guess that's the price you pay when you are the new kid in town.
Runner's high or just high?
Jess has been bugging me to post something new, but I feel like I haven't had anything exciting to talk about...until now.
It started on a day much like today (minus the cold air and wind that threatens to tip the trailer I work in...). My coworkers and I were sitting around, talking about running, laughing and reminiscing about how fit we all used to be (except Anela and Jeff still are!)...I was saying that I used to run four miles every single day BEFORE soccer practice even started, not to mention all of the games, wind sprints, etc. This got us all on a kick toward getting healthy and running, then up came the subject of marathons. We kicked around the idea of all four of us getting together to train for a marathon. That's all Anela needed to hear before she looked up every website imaginable on the subject and found a plan, then a marathon called the Big Sur International Marathon.
Anela then printed out the plan, tailored it to our time frame (26 weeks) and talked all of us into starting. So far, Anela and I are three weeks in, running two minutes, then walking one minute five times (equivalent to about two miles run/walk). At the beginning of week two, we mentioned it to our editor-in-chief, who has now registered and talked about seven other people into running it, too, including a couple people from her gym.
To make a long story short, we have all been living and breathing our training regimens here in the office. We have started throwing around the idea of starting a blog just for our training and have put our marathon story on the futures list for our women's magazine...a personal account from each of us on what it means to us and what we hope to accomplish.
For me, the whole idea hits me with excitement and apprehension. I am excited to believe that I can accomplish something that for so long struck me as just plain crazy. I used to run, I loved to run. I tried long distance in track, ran one cross country race, but was always so slow...which leads right into apprehension. I am afraid of failure; afriad of going through all of this training to find out I am unprepared for a race of this magnitude.
Then, I think of those around me who are going to do this. People who generally are similar to me: not-so-athletic, but determined to overcome a stack of obstacles that face them. They are there to provide support and help make the running and training a little easier, share stories of success and failure and give encouragement when the going gets tough.
In the book I am using as reference, Runner's World Executive Editor Amby Burfoot says, "And here's what I have learned from hundreds of women runners: You can make your running into whatever you want it to be. You can go for the gold, or you can simply set out to achieve something you never dreamed possible."
It started on a day much like today (minus the cold air and wind that threatens to tip the trailer I work in...). My coworkers and I were sitting around, talking about running, laughing and reminiscing about how fit we all used to be (except Anela and Jeff still are!)...I was saying that I used to run four miles every single day BEFORE soccer practice even started, not to mention all of the games, wind sprints, etc. This got us all on a kick toward getting healthy and running, then up came the subject of marathons. We kicked around the idea of all four of us getting together to train for a marathon. That's all Anela needed to hear before she looked up every website imaginable on the subject and found a plan, then a marathon called the Big Sur International Marathon.
Anela then printed out the plan, tailored it to our time frame (26 weeks) and talked all of us into starting. So far, Anela and I are three weeks in, running two minutes, then walking one minute five times (equivalent to about two miles run/walk). At the beginning of week two, we mentioned it to our editor-in-chief, who has now registered and talked about seven other people into running it, too, including a couple people from her gym.
To make a long story short, we have all been living and breathing our training regimens here in the office. We have started throwing around the idea of starting a blog just for our training and have put our marathon story on the futures list for our women's magazine...a personal account from each of us on what it means to us and what we hope to accomplish.
For me, the whole idea hits me with excitement and apprehension. I am excited to believe that I can accomplish something that for so long struck me as just plain crazy. I used to run, I loved to run. I tried long distance in track, ran one cross country race, but was always so slow...which leads right into apprehension. I am afraid of failure; afriad of going through all of this training to find out I am unprepared for a race of this magnitude.
Then, I think of those around me who are going to do this. People who generally are similar to me: not-so-athletic, but determined to overcome a stack of obstacles that face them. They are there to provide support and help make the running and training a little easier, share stories of success and failure and give encouragement when the going gets tough.
In the book I am using as reference, Runner's World Executive Editor Amby Burfoot says, "And here's what I have learned from hundreds of women runners: You can make your running into whatever you want it to be. You can go for the gold, or you can simply set out to achieve something you never dreamed possible."
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Home Sweet Home
DO you ever just have those days where you don't want to go outside no matter how beautiful the weather? You want to wake up and lay in bed for a few minutes before starting your day of being home. Just being home. I smile at the thought of being able to sleep in a bit...even for just an hour before having to take on the day.
Days like today, I awake slowly, comfy and cozy inside of my full-size bed. I don't turn on the heater because I am trying to keep the electricity bill down, so I am nice and toasty under four or five blankets...you know what I am talking about....completely covered except for and icicle nose. Hmm...today was that day to catch up on all of the things I needed to do. I showered, got dressed slowly, in between folding and putting away laundry, starting the washer, cleaning out my "tank top" drawer, making my bed, organizing my bathroom, etc. I turned on the tube and enjoyed great movies, like "Big" and "The Kid," in addition to the end of my favorite movie "The American President." I did the dishes, finished the book I have been reading for weeks and painted my toenails. Not many of my days lately have been this productive.
I love my home and I have been successful in making it my own...between the "extras" I spent lots of money on and the "bargains" that I stumbled upon...I am truly happy to know that I have a place of my own and a place I feel safe in. So it's no wonder that every once in a while, a full day in my comfy and cozy home is all I need to be recharged and reenergized enough to face the day or the week or the coming month.
This year has been difficult...on both a personal and professional level and I am finally in a place where I don't feel so out-of-control in those areas. I guess I can blame one thing on that feeling of control I have been able to regain: Home Sweet Home. And my comfy and cozy bed adds a little rejuvenation, too.
Days like today, I awake slowly, comfy and cozy inside of my full-size bed. I don't turn on the heater because I am trying to keep the electricity bill down, so I am nice and toasty under four or five blankets...you know what I am talking about....completely covered except for and icicle nose. Hmm...today was that day to catch up on all of the things I needed to do. I showered, got dressed slowly, in between folding and putting away laundry, starting the washer, cleaning out my "tank top" drawer, making my bed, organizing my bathroom, etc. I turned on the tube and enjoyed great movies, like "Big" and "The Kid," in addition to the end of my favorite movie "The American President." I did the dishes, finished the book I have been reading for weeks and painted my toenails. Not many of my days lately have been this productive.
I love my home and I have been successful in making it my own...between the "extras" I spent lots of money on and the "bargains" that I stumbled upon...I am truly happy to know that I have a place of my own and a place I feel safe in. So it's no wonder that every once in a while, a full day in my comfy and cozy home is all I need to be recharged and reenergized enough to face the day or the week or the coming month.
This year has been difficult...on both a personal and professional level and I am finally in a place where I don't feel so out-of-control in those areas. I guess I can blame one thing on that feeling of control I have been able to regain: Home Sweet Home. And my comfy and cozy bed adds a little rejuvenation, too.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
The Life of a Bookseller
I LOVE my new job!
I mean, I don't like being made fun of when it takes me too long to recover the store. I can't really help it that they sent me to the fiction/literature section and I was completely into reading about a bunch of the books and mentally adding them to my list of books to buy. Can you blame me?
Anywho...I think I love this job. I get a great discount and I am enjoying getting to know the people working there...and I get 50 percent off of coffee. What's not to love?
Up next on my book list:
The Kite Runner--I have to read it before the movie comes out.
A Year of Living Biblically--This guy is awesome! (And I want to read his first book where he read the entire Encyclopedia Britanica)
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance--because it sounds good.
Skinny Bitch--with a title like that, who wouldn't want to read it?
Wuthering Heights--I only "pretended" to read it in high school (but don't tell Mrs. Nelson)...and it's a good story!
Brave New World--Hmm...it's one of those that should be read.
There are so many more...I just can't even fathom how much I have to read! YAY!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Facebook and MySpace...How old is too old?
This is the question I am faced with as I enter the "real world." While there are lots of things that both of these sites offer, do I really need to be associated in any way with either one?
PRO
The ability to keep in touch with those you may not see that often.
CON
The ability to keep in touch with those you may not see that often.
PRO
All of my photos are posted on these sites and are a good way for me to remember the good times without pulling out a large photo album
CON
Why are these on here anyway? Can't I just print them out and put them in a scrapbook and stop being lazy? The answer is yes.
PRO
Stalking capabilites. Yes, looking at the ex-boyfriend's profile is too irresistible. Don't I want to know he is in a happy, fulfilling relationship?
CON
NO, I DO NOT want to know he is in a happy, fulfilling relationship. Glutton for punishment, that's what I am...
PRO
Facebook has so many cool applications, it's hard to give up the fun.
CON
There isn't one here. Being able to play endless hours of "Grey's Anatomy" trivia is extremely fulfilling in my life. Wouldn't you know it?
PRO
Being able to change your philosophy on life in the click of a button. Don't you wish REAL life were like this?
CON
Again, there is not a con. The world wide web can change in an instant...why not our cyber-selves?
PRO
The ability to keep in touch with those you may not see that often.
CON
The ability to keep in touch with those you may not see that often.
PRO
All of my photos are posted on these sites and are a good way for me to remember the good times without pulling out a large photo album
CON
Why are these on here anyway? Can't I just print them out and put them in a scrapbook and stop being lazy? The answer is yes.
PRO
Stalking capabilites. Yes, looking at the ex-boyfriend's profile is too irresistible. Don't I want to know he is in a happy, fulfilling relationship?
CON
NO, I DO NOT want to know he is in a happy, fulfilling relationship. Glutton for punishment, that's what I am...
PRO
Facebook has so many cool applications, it's hard to give up the fun.
CON
There isn't one here. Being able to play endless hours of "Grey's Anatomy" trivia is extremely fulfilling in my life. Wouldn't you know it?
PRO
Being able to change your philosophy on life in the click of a button. Don't you wish REAL life were like this?
CON
Again, there is not a con. The world wide web can change in an instant...why not our cyber-selves?
Monday, October 29, 2007
Top 10...
...reasons for me to go to the gym.
10. Endorphins...make me feel happy and cheerful.
9. Hmm...cute boys. (There were a TON tonight!)
8. Riding the elliptical or the stationary bike and watching the "Calories Burned" number climb up and up and up...
7. My iPOD "Gym Mix." When "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne comes on, it pumps me up completely.
6. Abs
5. Being able to walk stairs without getting winded. (I know we don't have stairs here in the LC, but you know what I mean)
4. Step Aerobics in the morning (since my nights are going to be taken up by Barnes & Noble)
3. Desk clerks....always happy to see you.
2. Small crowds at Primetime SOUTH, so I can always work out without waiting for things.
1. Primetime South just got new cardio machines with TVs on them. You can watch whatever you want...need I say more? I can ride the elliptical AND watch Grey's Anatomy. Seriously...SERIOUSLY?!?!?
10. Endorphins...make me feel happy and cheerful.
9. Hmm...cute boys. (There were a TON tonight!)
8. Riding the elliptical or the stationary bike and watching the "Calories Burned" number climb up and up and up...
7. My iPOD "Gym Mix." When "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne comes on, it pumps me up completely.
6. Abs
5. Being able to walk stairs without getting winded. (I know we don't have stairs here in the LC, but you know what I mean)
4. Step Aerobics in the morning (since my nights are going to be taken up by Barnes & Noble)
3. Desk clerks....always happy to see you.
2. Small crowds at Primetime SOUTH, so I can always work out without waiting for things.
1. Primetime South just got new cardio machines with TVs on them. You can watch whatever you want...need I say more? I can ride the elliptical AND watch Grey's Anatomy. Seriously...SERIOUSLY?!?!?
A test...times two!
The true test of character is forgiveness.
This past weekend, I attending a church service and Sunday School lesson in my home church in Deming, where we discussed a book by Max Lucado, and a chapter called "Grief Givers." It discusses David's struggle to kill King Saul after being threatened numerous times by him. David is given several opportunities to take his revenge, and each time, gives up the opportunity to murder Saul because of God's will that Saul be king. He gives up the glory of revenge to allow God to have the final say, in His own time.
The Bible says, "Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple." (Job 5:2)
I have had my fair share of moments of envy, which have had various effects on relationships in my life, from small fights that turn out to be nothing, to the loss of true friendships. Insecurity in what you have in your life breeds this envy...and there is a reason it is one of the seven deadly sins. When you give in to the behavior, the results could make you feel dead inside, like you've lost something. I have lost a good friend as a result and coming to terms with the loss is more than feeling dead inside...I am reminded every day that there is no longer that connection that I depended on for so many years.
The real test in this situation is forgiveness. I forgive my friend for ending the friendship because of my selfishness and jealousy, and I forgive myself for allowing myself to get so caught up in the things missing in my life, that I forgot to concentrate on the things I DID have in my life.
The second test is as my first post. Kind of deep, but needed. Thanks for reading.
This past weekend, I attending a church service and Sunday School lesson in my home church in Deming, where we discussed a book by Max Lucado, and a chapter called "Grief Givers." It discusses David's struggle to kill King Saul after being threatened numerous times by him. David is given several opportunities to take his revenge, and each time, gives up the opportunity to murder Saul because of God's will that Saul be king. He gives up the glory of revenge to allow God to have the final say, in His own time.
The Bible says, "Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple." (Job 5:2)
I have had my fair share of moments of envy, which have had various effects on relationships in my life, from small fights that turn out to be nothing, to the loss of true friendships. Insecurity in what you have in your life breeds this envy...and there is a reason it is one of the seven deadly sins. When you give in to the behavior, the results could make you feel dead inside, like you've lost something. I have lost a good friend as a result and coming to terms with the loss is more than feeling dead inside...I am reminded every day that there is no longer that connection that I depended on for so many years.
The real test in this situation is forgiveness. I forgive my friend for ending the friendship because of my selfishness and jealousy, and I forgive myself for allowing myself to get so caught up in the things missing in my life, that I forgot to concentrate on the things I DID have in my life.
The second test is as my first post. Kind of deep, but needed. Thanks for reading.
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