Sometimes I feel like I can't focus. It's not just the being too busy thing, it's the being too busy and not knowing when to say "no" thing. I can't help but think I could be doing so much more in any one area of my life. For example, when I am putting out a stellar section, talking to people and really getting things done at work, my school work seems to suffer. And when I am really getting my reading done and excelling in school, my section suffers. It's so hard to find a happy medium between the two.
I think this problem stems from the fact that I wasn't able to find a happy medium with the job before I started school and now that I am all the way into it, it's getting harder and harder to keep my head above water. Now, mid-terms are upon me and I am wondering how to balance class reading, writing for the paper and studying.
The obvious answer would be to give something up, but I am not willing to seek that answer at this point. I just need a bit more time in the day and everything will be fine. And maybe a little more drive.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Crunch
Today I felt it. Fall is in the air.
As I began to clean my house, putting rugs outside to air out, I was shocked to discover that there it was. That one point in the year where you can feel the air begin to change.
This is my absolute favorite time of year--festivals, sweaters and the crunch of leaves beneath my feet. I am so happy, I could die!
As I began to clean my house, putting rugs outside to air out, I was shocked to discover that there it was. That one point in the year where you can feel the air begin to change.
This is my absolute favorite time of year--festivals, sweaters and the crunch of leaves beneath my feet. I am so happy, I could die!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
My life as a metaphor
When life gets a little stressful, I have a recurring dream.
Today, I decided to analyze it in my head. It's a dream about working at Cracker Barrel again. As all of two of my readers know, I worked there for five years until they hired a bat shit crazy manager and I had to bounce.
Well, my dream is about me going back to work there amid many, many changes. In my dream, the kitchen has actually been remodeled - there are walls where there weren't walls before and I can't find anything because nothing is in its original spot, etc. Well, in last night's dream, I am given my original four-table, kick ass section, but for some reason, I can't seem to keep on top of them. I like to think I am a really good server, especially when I am busy, but in the dream, I am so busy serving the round table, then bouncing back and forth to two more, but constantly ignoring the fourth table. And in the dream, it happens over and over, with the tables complaining about my service and how I can't get to them fast enough.
I have decided this is a metaphor for my life. The four tables represent the four areas of my life (I am sure there are more than four, but bear with me). We have the work life, the school life, the love life and the social life. As a metaphor, that means that I am constantly ignoring one aspect at all times...and it may not always be the same one (although ignoring the love life is by choice - have you seen what I have to work with in this town?). I feel like I can't catch up no matter how hard I try.
I equate this dream with the common one - you know the one - where you are running from something and so fast and so hard, but no matter how fast or hard you are running, you can escape. This goes for swimming, too... All of them are metaphors for how your life is going and this dream is a metaphor for mine.
Honestly, I am getting the hang of the new life I have begun living - with the balance of school and work and freelance and studying, all finally coming together - but there are still portions of my life that should have some focus, but have a back seat. So, to my friends I have neglected, I am sorry. Things will get better. They have to. In the meantime, bear with me and I love you.
Today, I decided to analyze it in my head. It's a dream about working at Cracker Barrel again. As all of two of my readers know, I worked there for five years until they hired a bat shit crazy manager and I had to bounce.
Well, my dream is about me going back to work there amid many, many changes. In my dream, the kitchen has actually been remodeled - there are walls where there weren't walls before and I can't find anything because nothing is in its original spot, etc. Well, in last night's dream, I am given my original four-table, kick ass section, but for some reason, I can't seem to keep on top of them. I like to think I am a really good server, especially when I am busy, but in the dream, I am so busy serving the round table, then bouncing back and forth to two more, but constantly ignoring the fourth table. And in the dream, it happens over and over, with the tables complaining about my service and how I can't get to them fast enough.
I have decided this is a metaphor for my life. The four tables represent the four areas of my life (I am sure there are more than four, but bear with me). We have the work life, the school life, the love life and the social life. As a metaphor, that means that I am constantly ignoring one aspect at all times...and it may not always be the same one (although ignoring the love life is by choice - have you seen what I have to work with in this town?). I feel like I can't catch up no matter how hard I try.
I equate this dream with the common one - you know the one - where you are running from something and so fast and so hard, but no matter how fast or hard you are running, you can escape. This goes for swimming, too... All of them are metaphors for how your life is going and this dream is a metaphor for mine.
Honestly, I am getting the hang of the new life I have begun living - with the balance of school and work and freelance and studying, all finally coming together - but there are still portions of my life that should have some focus, but have a back seat. So, to my friends I have neglected, I am sorry. Things will get better. They have to. In the meantime, bear with me and I love you.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Assignment Complete
Today was a killer day. Busy, but killer.
I met the rest of the graduate assistants today at an orientation for the government department. I also found out I was paired with an awesome professor, helping teach European Politics and National Security Policy.
Recently, I was awarded the Mike Watts Fellowship worth $2,000, added to my salary as a G.A., which is significant when you only make $5,000 a semester. I am STOKED! And I guess it's really prestigious, too.
We practiced tonight and I am back in boot camp, hoping to lose some more weight.
This weekend, I will be attending the Community Foundation Ball, getting all dressed up and drinking champagne, dancing and enjoying the company of my coworkers. I am pretty excited about it.
Well, hopefully I will have more time to blog this weekend. It's funny because I have something happen and I think to myself, "I need to blog about that," then I forget. Like tonight, I would love to bitch about how people don't know how to use a four-way stop. It could be because I am from Deming, and we only used to have three stoplights, but it's not difficult! Not at all.....
That's all for now. Peace!
I met the rest of the graduate assistants today at an orientation for the government department. I also found out I was paired with an awesome professor, helping teach European Politics and National Security Policy.
Recently, I was awarded the Mike Watts Fellowship worth $2,000, added to my salary as a G.A., which is significant when you only make $5,000 a semester. I am STOKED! And I guess it's really prestigious, too.
We practiced tonight and I am back in boot camp, hoping to lose some more weight.
This weekend, I will be attending the Community Foundation Ball, getting all dressed up and drinking champagne, dancing and enjoying the company of my coworkers. I am pretty excited about it.
Well, hopefully I will have more time to blog this weekend. It's funny because I have something happen and I think to myself, "I need to blog about that," then I forget. Like tonight, I would love to bitch about how people don't know how to use a four-way stop. It could be because I am from Deming, and we only used to have three stoplights, but it's not difficult! Not at all.....
That's all for now. Peace!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Have I always been this lame?
Answer: No. Not until I had this job/life.
So, I started a new job two weeks ago (shortly after I lost my other one. 2.5 days to be exact). So far, it has been non-stop and I feel like I have worked there for ages. But, already I have begun networking and really stepping outside of my comfort zone to make sure I can get the job done.
It's also amazing how motivating a firm deadline can be. I have written more stories int he two weeks I have worked at the newspaper than I did in six months at the magazine. It's amazing.
All-in-all, I am stoked to be starting a new chapter, away from the "bad" and into the good. School will begin next week, along with a bunch of new adventures and new stress, but I am ready. As ready as I will ever be.
So, I started a new job two weeks ago (shortly after I lost my other one. 2.5 days to be exact). So far, it has been non-stop and I feel like I have worked there for ages. But, already I have begun networking and really stepping outside of my comfort zone to make sure I can get the job done.
It's also amazing how motivating a firm deadline can be. I have written more stories int he two weeks I have worked at the newspaper than I did in six months at the magazine. It's amazing.
All-in-all, I am stoked to be starting a new chapter, away from the "bad" and into the good. School will begin next week, along with a bunch of new adventures and new stress, but I am ready. As ready as I will ever be.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Exhausted.
Example: This morning, when I got out of the shower, I went to use my makeup remover and was puzzled when it stung a little and smelled funny. Don't worry...I grabbed the nailpolish remover.
I hope things die down before I actually damage myself.
I hope things die down before I actually damage myself.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Whirlwind Update for my Three Readers
Hello, all! I have been really bad at posting on my blog lately, but for very good reason:
1. I leave for Denver tomorrow for the Mile High Music Festival with Jessica. I get to see so many of my friends, and I am stoked! Some of my favorite bands will be there: Dave Matthews, O.A.R., Jason Mraz, John Mayer, Colbie Caillat, Ingrid Michaelson, The Roots, Tom Petty, Spoon, Lupe Fiasco, and so many more. My REALLY good friends, Jeff and Claudia, just made the move up there and I get to see where they are and tour around Boulder with them on Friday, then out with some of my sorority sisters and Marky Mark on Friday night. A true vacation.
2. This week, I began a body boot camp, taught by my good friend Anela (who, when I am doing push ups and about to vomit--is not such a good friend, lol). But, it feels great being so active and completely beat after getting out of a session. I have to say, it is a little intimidating at first (and completely mortifying) to see how much I weigh and my BMI, but I know (and have been told by Miss Anela) that taking steps to get healthier is the right thing to do and shows I care. She is so good at this.
3. On July 7, I began a summer course for my master's degree, GOVT 582: Contemporary Political Thought. If you think a summer course, going every day for two hours a day is intense, you haven't seen anything until you take a graduate level one. I go home to two hours of reading and study guide questions every single night. That's FOUR HOURS a day! PLUS travel time. I feel like I live and breathe liberalism, communism, feminism and all the -isms you can imagine!
4. Met a cute boy.
5. I am still plugging away at my freelance project with the bank. I have two stories completely finished and I have hired someone to design it for me. I just have to schedule two more interviews and I am done with the easy part. But seriously, I will be excited when I hand over the files and get a big, fat check with my name on it.
6. I am in the process of filling out Financial Aid forms and trying to get a fellowship to help pay for school. Graduate school is expensive! I just came across a mistake NMSU made in my account (I know, shocking, right?). So, I am currently working on getting that fixed so I don't have to pay $600 for a class I never took.
7. Just finished with the last proof of my magazine and it should be on the shelves the first part of August (which is exciting, being that I have been a magazine editor for 10 months and have yet to see an edition of my own).
8. (AND MOST IMPORTANT) The scooter is amazing. I zip around on that thing all day long and I love it! It takes a tad more planning (like changing shoes or being careful what kind of lunch I pack), but all-in-all is so efficient. It makes me stop and think what I can do without on a daily basis and plan my routes a little better. While I have been driving on busy streets (turns out they aren't as bad as I thought), there has only been one time that I was a little scared--on the small stretch on Main Street between El Paseo and Lohman, where it is really narrow and people zip around those corners like race car drivers. That was touch and go, but I drove all the way to Spitz Park on the other side of town for soccer practice.
*One complaint: When you come to a stop light and would like to make a left turn on a "Left Turn on Green Only," don't hold your breath. I sat through THREE light cycles before I finally broke the law and went through on red. Seriously!
*I look damn hot on my scooter.
1. I leave for Denver tomorrow for the Mile High Music Festival with Jessica. I get to see so many of my friends, and I am stoked! Some of my favorite bands will be there: Dave Matthews, O.A.R., Jason Mraz, John Mayer, Colbie Caillat, Ingrid Michaelson, The Roots, Tom Petty, Spoon, Lupe Fiasco, and so many more. My REALLY good friends, Jeff and Claudia, just made the move up there and I get to see where they are and tour around Boulder with them on Friday, then out with some of my sorority sisters and Marky Mark on Friday night. A true vacation.
2. This week, I began a body boot camp, taught by my good friend Anela (who, when I am doing push ups and about to vomit--is not such a good friend, lol). But, it feels great being so active and completely beat after getting out of a session. I have to say, it is a little intimidating at first (and completely mortifying) to see how much I weigh and my BMI, but I know (and have been told by Miss Anela) that taking steps to get healthier is the right thing to do and shows I care. She is so good at this.
3. On July 7, I began a summer course for my master's degree, GOVT 582: Contemporary Political Thought. If you think a summer course, going every day for two hours a day is intense, you haven't seen anything until you take a graduate level one. I go home to two hours of reading and study guide questions every single night. That's FOUR HOURS a day! PLUS travel time. I feel like I live and breathe liberalism, communism, feminism and all the -isms you can imagine!
4. Met a cute boy.
5. I am still plugging away at my freelance project with the bank. I have two stories completely finished and I have hired someone to design it for me. I just have to schedule two more interviews and I am done with the easy part. But seriously, I will be excited when I hand over the files and get a big, fat check with my name on it.
6. I am in the process of filling out Financial Aid forms and trying to get a fellowship to help pay for school. Graduate school is expensive! I just came across a mistake NMSU made in my account (I know, shocking, right?). So, I am currently working on getting that fixed so I don't have to pay $600 for a class I never took.
7. Just finished with the last proof of my magazine and it should be on the shelves the first part of August (which is exciting, being that I have been a magazine editor for 10 months and have yet to see an edition of my own).
8. (AND MOST IMPORTANT) The scooter is amazing. I zip around on that thing all day long and I love it! It takes a tad more planning (like changing shoes or being careful what kind of lunch I pack), but all-in-all is so efficient. It makes me stop and think what I can do without on a daily basis and plan my routes a little better. While I have been driving on busy streets (turns out they aren't as bad as I thought), there has only been one time that I was a little scared--on the small stretch on Main Street between El Paseo and Lohman, where it is really narrow and people zip around those corners like race car drivers. That was touch and go, but I drove all the way to Spitz Park on the other side of town for soccer practice.
*One complaint: When you come to a stop light and would like to make a left turn on a "Left Turn on Green Only," don't hold your breath. I sat through THREE light cycles before I finally broke the law and went through on red. Seriously!
*I look damn hot on my scooter.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
I can hear the frogs
So, it's beautiful outside. It's pouring, and there is a flash flood watch in effect for Dona Ana County...and I couldn't be happier.
I love the rain! Even when I am driving home on the scooter and the sprinkles are pelting me like little rocks...it's great!
Just thought I would share how much I love gloomy days like this...and it's supposed to last all weekend!
EXCEPT, my soccer game was canceled today. BOO!
I love the rain! Even when I am driving home on the scooter and the sprinkles are pelting me like little rocks...it's great!
Just thought I would share how much I love gloomy days like this...and it's supposed to last all weekend!
EXCEPT, my soccer game was canceled today. BOO!
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Dearest
Dearest,
It hasn't always been this way. I haven't always been able to see so clearly, so vividly and without blinders.
The last few times we have talked, it isn't because of the reasons I give, it's because I have been trying to tell you how I feel about you and what I have always been too afraid to say. Back then, I was so afraid that being with you would be like not living...not giving myself the opportunity to truly live, meet other people, live the fairy tale. I never thought I could find the man I love in high school. I didn't think I was ready to settle down or be with someone in that capacity, but if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have been able to let you go like I did.
I treated you the way no one should be treated. You were my safety blanket, the guy that would always be there...then you weren't and it hurt.
So, what I have been wanting to tell you all these times is that I'm sorry for taking you and us for granted. I wish I could go back and take all of those things back and be with you the way it should have been all along. But now you are with someone who you want to marry and I have to accept that and know we can never be what we once were. And that's harder than anything, but I wish you the best. Just know how I feel.
All my love,
Jenna
It hasn't always been this way. I haven't always been able to see so clearly, so vividly and without blinders.
The last few times we have talked, it isn't because of the reasons I give, it's because I have been trying to tell you how I feel about you and what I have always been too afraid to say. Back then, I was so afraid that being with you would be like not living...not giving myself the opportunity to truly live, meet other people, live the fairy tale. I never thought I could find the man I love in high school. I didn't think I was ready to settle down or be with someone in that capacity, but if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have been able to let you go like I did.
I treated you the way no one should be treated. You were my safety blanket, the guy that would always be there...then you weren't and it hurt.
So, what I have been wanting to tell you all these times is that I'm sorry for taking you and us for granted. I wish I could go back and take all of those things back and be with you the way it should have been all along. But now you are with someone who you want to marry and I have to accept that and know we can never be what we once were. And that's harder than anything, but I wish you the best. Just know how I feel.
All my love,
Jenna
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