I'm back in ABQ after a weekend in Deming/Las Cruces...and anxious for next weekend to roll around again. I'm SO not ready for a week of temp work.
My goal for the rest of the year is to update at least three times a week, no matter what. What's the point of having a blog if you don't use it? Plus, sometimes I just like telling stories, and that's what this is all about.
If there are things any of my two readers would like to read, let me know and I will try and oblige.
For now, I will leave you with this: Might be buying a truck in the next couple of weeks... More to come. Don't want to jinx it.
Night
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Snuggles
The first night I stayed with S, it was the beginning of the New Year. Not just the beginning, but an hour after the clock struck midnight and my friends and I lit sparklers and listened to all the fireworks exploding across the City of the Crosses. After a sweet text from him that read "Can't wait for the first kiss of the New Year," I knew I was going to be with him.
As I crossed the city toward his house, I was excited to see him - butterflies and all. There weren't any cars on the road and I sailed through the lights, eager to have my kiss. As I walked up the dark porch toward his house, I realized that I really like this guy despite all my reservations. Rarely did I let people in - friends, sure...but guys had to work a little harder. I've never known why that is. Could be that I spent a year and a half pining after a "taken" man before admitting defeat and pursuing others...and by pursuing I mean giving up.
I walked into his house and he was there, laying on his futon watching "Lord of the Rings" (which, clearly, should have been a sign), and I laid down right next to him, his arms wrapping around me and allowing me to drift off to sleep. I don't know how long I was like that, but I felt comfortable enough to completely lose myself in his arms. At one point, still partically asleep and overly groggy, we stumbled to his room and, fully clothed, I crawled into bed and fell asleep. I remember him taking a big whiff of my hair - he always loved how it smelled, even after a long day - and whispered, "Night baby."
His snuggling technique should be patented. His 6-foot-tall frame and long arms wrap around, making you feel completely protected and loved. Normally, with anyone else, I wouldn't want to fall asleep like that. I like my space - a lot. But with him, it was different. I laid there for a while, listening to his light breathing on my ear until it became heavy and I drifted off, too, waking only as the sunlight began streaming through the blinds.
Never did I think I'd become so addicted to those snuggles that I would let a doomed relationship continue long past its expiration date. But it's not the relationship, it's the routine that became important, as a friend would say. Snuggles were part of my routine...and late at night, as I fall asleep, the pain is worst of all, missing those arms and light breath. Guess that's why sleep is becoming less and less likely.
As I crossed the city toward his house, I was excited to see him - butterflies and all. There weren't any cars on the road and I sailed through the lights, eager to have my kiss. As I walked up the dark porch toward his house, I realized that I really like this guy despite all my reservations. Rarely did I let people in - friends, sure...but guys had to work a little harder. I've never known why that is. Could be that I spent a year and a half pining after a "taken" man before admitting defeat and pursuing others...and by pursuing I mean giving up.
I walked into his house and he was there, laying on his futon watching "Lord of the Rings" (which, clearly, should have been a sign), and I laid down right next to him, his arms wrapping around me and allowing me to drift off to sleep. I don't know how long I was like that, but I felt comfortable enough to completely lose myself in his arms. At one point, still partically asleep and overly groggy, we stumbled to his room and, fully clothed, I crawled into bed and fell asleep. I remember him taking a big whiff of my hair - he always loved how it smelled, even after a long day - and whispered, "Night baby."
His snuggling technique should be patented. His 6-foot-tall frame and long arms wrap around, making you feel completely protected and loved. Normally, with anyone else, I wouldn't want to fall asleep like that. I like my space - a lot. But with him, it was different. I laid there for a while, listening to his light breathing on my ear until it became heavy and I drifted off, too, waking only as the sunlight began streaming through the blinds.
Never did I think I'd become so addicted to those snuggles that I would let a doomed relationship continue long past its expiration date. But it's not the relationship, it's the routine that became important, as a friend would say. Snuggles were part of my routine...and late at night, as I fall asleep, the pain is worst of all, missing those arms and light breath. Guess that's why sleep is becoming less and less likely.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Smell
At first, I couldn't quite figure out what attracted me to him.
S was, well, he was a player when I met him. He dated a couple girls at the same time, complaining to a mutual friend that one would find out about the other and both would get mad and break it off with him after which he would just start all over again. I could never figure out what attracted the sea of women that liked this tall, goofy, long-haired and carefree guy. Then again, I became enthralled by him myself.
I was dating someone else at the time - a guy who was kind, driven and, at first, admired the independent spirit I had in me. Slowly, however, I realized that the over-confident exterior that he showed to the rest of the world was just a cover for the insecurities he felt. He became far too clingy and before too long, I longed to be rid of the whiny behavior he began to display. Then S came around. He seemed like the perfect way to spend my Christmas vacation.
During finals week, we studied together, spending long nights at Milagro or International Delights where we would end up just talking and sipping coffee, getting to know each other's personality a little better. He was, by all intents and purposes, just the opposite of what I'd been looking for. He had drive, but he wasn't lethal about it - he didn't need to get to the top to be satisfied with his life. He studied too much, spent far too much time hitting the books, but managed to make time for his friends and swimming. It was intriguing how this aloof character could manage to hold my attention.
I can't seem to remember our first kiss. I don't know when it happened...I only remember it was in his driveway after I dropped him off from going somewhere, maybe a drink or happy hour. I never really thought about what that meant, but I did know at the time, it meant I liked this guy who played girls like the guitar he strummed those nights he hung out with his roommates. Not long after that first kiss, they became more frequent as he and I developed more than just crushes on each other. I discovered that the player ways came after he ended a long term relationship with a girl he lived with - more are a coping mechanism than an actual lifestyle.
Upon asking him later, he said he wasn't really "that guy" and just wanted to try it out for a while. It didn't really suit him, especially after getting caught so many times during the course of his escapades. I found out later that when we started dating, he called it off with every other girl he was seeing because I was different. I thought it was statements like this that kept me interested, made me think about him every day without fail, but as our relationship went on, I realized I would miss his smell most of all.
It wasn't a exactly a smell, per se, but more of an aura. My friend B called it phermones - the scent that attracts people to one another. I realized his was different after hanging out with another person whose smell was, to put it lightly, raunchy. Like he hadn't showered in a few days, even though I know he had good personal hygiene. With S, it was different. His smell was dangerous - like I couldn't resist it. He didn't wear cologne or aftershave, and he didn't use fruity bodywash or body spray that on commercials would make women melt. It was just...him. He smelled like a mixture of chlorine and soap - a scent that later would make me ache with missing him.
People say that a smell triggers a memory, but my memory doesn't need a trigger. It remembers all on its own.
S was, well, he was a player when I met him. He dated a couple girls at the same time, complaining to a mutual friend that one would find out about the other and both would get mad and break it off with him after which he would just start all over again. I could never figure out what attracted the sea of women that liked this tall, goofy, long-haired and carefree guy. Then again, I became enthralled by him myself.
I was dating someone else at the time - a guy who was kind, driven and, at first, admired the independent spirit I had in me. Slowly, however, I realized that the over-confident exterior that he showed to the rest of the world was just a cover for the insecurities he felt. He became far too clingy and before too long, I longed to be rid of the whiny behavior he began to display. Then S came around. He seemed like the perfect way to spend my Christmas vacation.
During finals week, we studied together, spending long nights at Milagro or International Delights where we would end up just talking and sipping coffee, getting to know each other's personality a little better. He was, by all intents and purposes, just the opposite of what I'd been looking for. He had drive, but he wasn't lethal about it - he didn't need to get to the top to be satisfied with his life. He studied too much, spent far too much time hitting the books, but managed to make time for his friends and swimming. It was intriguing how this aloof character could manage to hold my attention.
I can't seem to remember our first kiss. I don't know when it happened...I only remember it was in his driveway after I dropped him off from going somewhere, maybe a drink or happy hour. I never really thought about what that meant, but I did know at the time, it meant I liked this guy who played girls like the guitar he strummed those nights he hung out with his roommates. Not long after that first kiss, they became more frequent as he and I developed more than just crushes on each other. I discovered that the player ways came after he ended a long term relationship with a girl he lived with - more are a coping mechanism than an actual lifestyle.
Upon asking him later, he said he wasn't really "that guy" and just wanted to try it out for a while. It didn't really suit him, especially after getting caught so many times during the course of his escapades. I found out later that when we started dating, he called it off with every other girl he was seeing because I was different. I thought it was statements like this that kept me interested, made me think about him every day without fail, but as our relationship went on, I realized I would miss his smell most of all.
It wasn't a exactly a smell, per se, but more of an aura. My friend B called it phermones - the scent that attracts people to one another. I realized his was different after hanging out with another person whose smell was, to put it lightly, raunchy. Like he hadn't showered in a few days, even though I know he had good personal hygiene. With S, it was different. His smell was dangerous - like I couldn't resist it. He didn't wear cologne or aftershave, and he didn't use fruity bodywash or body spray that on commercials would make women melt. It was just...him. He smelled like a mixture of chlorine and soap - a scent that later would make me ache with missing him.
People say that a smell triggers a memory, but my memory doesn't need a trigger. It remembers all on its own.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Future
Numerous web searches on a number of sites have lead me to this place. A place I'd like to call: Panic.
It started with a harmless search for a job for a friend on the State of Colorado website. Then, a visit to the State of New Mexico's website confirmed the same news: hiring freeze.
Until now, all the talks about "recession" and "poor economy" and "deficit" were just terms - unrelated to me and those around me. I have a job. My best friends have jobs. They aren't struggling in the "down" economy. But it all became real when I looked at my life just six months from now.
In six months, I will be gearing up to graduate - taking comprehensive exams and finishing up a research project based on the experiences of my summer fellowship - and I will probably have that nagging sensation that somehow, someway, I should have a plan. It's already beginning to come to fruition in my planner brain (that which I cannot help). I've always had a plan. Even when I graduated the first time, I had a plan to enter a bright and shiny career in journalism. Initially, the career didn't come, but I only had to wait two months for two stellar job offers to come my way - unheard of for someone as green and "just out of school" as me. I didn't freak out because I had a waitressing job to fall back on should I ever need it, and it never occurred to me that this would ever be "unacceptable."
Now, I look forward a bit to that six month mark and I wonder what I'm going to do with a "bad" economy like this. Now, the recession is hitting closer and closer to home. Friends who are overly qualified for a number of jobs are applying to be assistant managers at Wal-Mart and others are struggling to find even temp work. Still others are taking teaching positions that pay peanuts in order to make ends meet.
All this stirs up the rumblings of a panic attack.
My mom is constantly telling me things will be fine - which is obviously what moms do - and she claims things will all fall into place for me in the end, like they always have. But I have come to question this logic. In some ways, I've been lucky to achieve what I have achieved. In other ways, I have a long way to go before truly becoming "successful." It starts (and ends) with the degree I've worked for the past three years (off and on) and setting myself up to maneuver into the next step.
With the next six months of my life planned (almost) to the day, what lies beyond is almost too much to comprehend. "Luck" and "circumstance" aside, there isn't much I know. Except uncertainty. And that's just what I fear the most.
It started with a harmless search for a job for a friend on the State of Colorado website. Then, a visit to the State of New Mexico's website confirmed the same news: hiring freeze.
Until now, all the talks about "recession" and "poor economy" and "deficit" were just terms - unrelated to me and those around me. I have a job. My best friends have jobs. They aren't struggling in the "down" economy. But it all became real when I looked at my life just six months from now.
In six months, I will be gearing up to graduate - taking comprehensive exams and finishing up a research project based on the experiences of my summer fellowship - and I will probably have that nagging sensation that somehow, someway, I should have a plan. It's already beginning to come to fruition in my planner brain (that which I cannot help). I've always had a plan. Even when I graduated the first time, I had a plan to enter a bright and shiny career in journalism. Initially, the career didn't come, but I only had to wait two months for two stellar job offers to come my way - unheard of for someone as green and "just out of school" as me. I didn't freak out because I had a waitressing job to fall back on should I ever need it, and it never occurred to me that this would ever be "unacceptable."
Now, I look forward a bit to that six month mark and I wonder what I'm going to do with a "bad" economy like this. Now, the recession is hitting closer and closer to home. Friends who are overly qualified for a number of jobs are applying to be assistant managers at Wal-Mart and others are struggling to find even temp work. Still others are taking teaching positions that pay peanuts in order to make ends meet.
All this stirs up the rumblings of a panic attack.
My mom is constantly telling me things will be fine - which is obviously what moms do - and she claims things will all fall into place for me in the end, like they always have. But I have come to question this logic. In some ways, I've been lucky to achieve what I have achieved. In other ways, I have a long way to go before truly becoming "successful." It starts (and ends) with the degree I've worked for the past three years (off and on) and setting myself up to maneuver into the next step.
With the next six months of my life planned (almost) to the day, what lies beyond is almost too much to comprehend. "Luck" and "circumstance" aside, there isn't much I know. Except uncertainty. And that's just what I fear the most.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Day One
Well, here I am. In Santa Fe at my new digs, which is inside the New Mexico Film Office and Museum in Downtown Santa Fe. Literally 10 steps away from the Rail Runner station and only a five-minute walk from the Plaza. Across the street (where I spent my lunch break) is a little cafe inside a shopping center that has all of these little cutesy boutique shops that have handmade clothes, European jewelry and just about everything I can't really afford. Oh, and they have a Borders...which is good since I have (in one day between the train and lunch) read 120 pages of my book that I started this morning. I might need many more than I brought.
Rewind.
I'm in Santa Fe for the Governor's Fellowship, which has allowed me a 10-week fellowship with the state department of my choosing. For this, I chose the Economic Development Department, which oversees new industries in the state as well as various other endeavors such as the New Mexico Film Office. Originally, the EDD had assigned me to the Spaceport Office in Las Cruces, which they informed me of the morning of the fellows orientation on Thursday afternoon...a mere three hours AFTER I moved all of my stuff into Lauren and Staci's apartment in Albuquerque and only one day after packing and loading everything I possess into a storage unit less than a mile from the apartment that used to be mine. In other words, going back to Las Cruces was NOT an option. After a mild panic attack for this new revelation...I kindly (but firmly) informed the woman in charge that I had moved to Albuquerque for this opportunity and that I couldn't return any time soon, since there was nothing to return to (aside from my smelly brother's couch...and that's just not an option).
So, this morning after I woke up at 5 a.m. (after not getting much sleep last night - anxiety mixed with fear of not waking up in time), and drove to the Rail Runner station (which is only TWO MINUTES from my house), I was on my way on the one hour, 10 minute journey that is the trek to Santa Fe. I showed up when I was supposed to at the Montoya Building (really close to the train station) and met a few of the other fellows that will be working in the EDD (five altogether). Three of us showed up and I was (again) informed that I would be in the Las Cruces Spaceport office. I said "No, that should have been worked out," and they confirmed with the Cabinet Secretary that I was speaking the truth, and the three of us were ushered into our respective offices. However, my office was Downtown in the NM Film Office, which was scary at first and a relief thereafter. The train stops JUST 10 STEPS AWAY FROM MY BUILDING!
I spent most of the morning researching the Film Office and the duties and responsibilities they have to production companies and those locals who want to become employed with the film industry in New Mexico. The opportunities are endless! The office casual, but professional and so far, the people have been extremely polite and helpful. I have yet to find out what project I will be working on, but I'm sure that will happen soon.
The whole point of this fellowship experience is to find enough information to write a research project that has to do with policy implications of film in New Mexico. My work here will hopefully open the doors to all of this information and allow me to develop a research question and paper idea on how New Mexico works to promote its budding film industry and the ways in which the public can be involved in these efforts. Hopefully I will find out soon what will occupy my time for the next 10 weeks, but until then, it's email letters to my friends.
Oh, and did I mention how the weather is fabulous? No wonder people live in Santa Fe...it's actually COOL in the SUMMER. Unheard of everywhere else in New Mexico (especially Cruces). I'm going to find it awfully difficult to return to the blazing heat in August. Lord, help me, but I'm hoping to remain a Santa Fe girl.
Rewind.
I'm in Santa Fe for the Governor's Fellowship, which has allowed me a 10-week fellowship with the state department of my choosing. For this, I chose the Economic Development Department, which oversees new industries in the state as well as various other endeavors such as the New Mexico Film Office. Originally, the EDD had assigned me to the Spaceport Office in Las Cruces, which they informed me of the morning of the fellows orientation on Thursday afternoon...a mere three hours AFTER I moved all of my stuff into Lauren and Staci's apartment in Albuquerque and only one day after packing and loading everything I possess into a storage unit less than a mile from the apartment that used to be mine. In other words, going back to Las Cruces was NOT an option. After a mild panic attack for this new revelation...I kindly (but firmly) informed the woman in charge that I had moved to Albuquerque for this opportunity and that I couldn't return any time soon, since there was nothing to return to (aside from my smelly brother's couch...and that's just not an option).
So, this morning after I woke up at 5 a.m. (after not getting much sleep last night - anxiety mixed with fear of not waking up in time), and drove to the Rail Runner station (which is only TWO MINUTES from my house), I was on my way on the one hour, 10 minute journey that is the trek to Santa Fe. I showed up when I was supposed to at the Montoya Building (really close to the train station) and met a few of the other fellows that will be working in the EDD (five altogether). Three of us showed up and I was (again) informed that I would be in the Las Cruces Spaceport office. I said "No, that should have been worked out," and they confirmed with the Cabinet Secretary that I was speaking the truth, and the three of us were ushered into our respective offices. However, my office was Downtown in the NM Film Office, which was scary at first and a relief thereafter. The train stops JUST 10 STEPS AWAY FROM MY BUILDING!
I spent most of the morning researching the Film Office and the duties and responsibilities they have to production companies and those locals who want to become employed with the film industry in New Mexico. The opportunities are endless! The office casual, but professional and so far, the people have been extremely polite and helpful. I have yet to find out what project I will be working on, but I'm sure that will happen soon.
The whole point of this fellowship experience is to find enough information to write a research project that has to do with policy implications of film in New Mexico. My work here will hopefully open the doors to all of this information and allow me to develop a research question and paper idea on how New Mexico works to promote its budding film industry and the ways in which the public can be involved in these efforts. Hopefully I will find out soon what will occupy my time for the next 10 weeks, but until then, it's email letters to my friends.
Oh, and did I mention how the weather is fabulous? No wonder people live in Santa Fe...it's actually COOL in the SUMMER. Unheard of everywhere else in New Mexico (especially Cruces). I'm going to find it awfully difficult to return to the blazing heat in August. Lord, help me, but I'm hoping to remain a Santa Fe girl.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Wedding Madness
So, today I was thinking about all of the weddings I have been to in the past five years or so, and I wanted to make a list (since I have four coming up in the next two years, as well).
Here goes:
1. Daniel and Stephanie (in Iowa - top 3 best weddings)
2. Kenny and Amanda (from Cracker Barrel - had to sit at the "singles" table with thre others...)
3. Josh and Candice (from Cracker Barrel)
4. Carlos and Elaine (cousin)
5. Josh and Ginnie (friend from high school)
6. Isaac and Sarah (friend from high school)
7. Tessa and Josh (friends from high school)
8. An almost wedding in Hawaii (which I'm counting, since we still went to the reception)
9. Andrea and Joe (friend from grad school - top 3 best weddings)
10. Theresa Jo and Chris (cousin - I was in this one with 12 other bridesmaids)
11. Heather and Isaac (sorority and pledge sister)
And coming up soon...
1. Ed and Darby (friends from college)
2. Jake and Jodi (friend from grad school)
3. Jessica and Kenny (friend from college - going to be top 3 best weddings)
4. Kelsey and Adam (sorority sister and family member)
I think there are more, but I just can't remember at the moment...I like weddings, but COME ON, PEOPLE! Just kidding, Jess...I have high hopes for yours. :o)
Here goes:
1. Daniel and Stephanie (in Iowa - top 3 best weddings)
2. Kenny and Amanda (from Cracker Barrel - had to sit at the "singles" table with thre others...)
3. Josh and Candice (from Cracker Barrel)
4. Carlos and Elaine (cousin)
5. Josh and Ginnie (friend from high school)
6. Isaac and Sarah (friend from high school)
7. Tessa and Josh (friends from high school)
8. An almost wedding in Hawaii (which I'm counting, since we still went to the reception)
9. Andrea and Joe (friend from grad school - top 3 best weddings)
10. Theresa Jo and Chris (cousin - I was in this one with 12 other bridesmaids)
11. Heather and Isaac (sorority and pledge sister)
And coming up soon...
1. Ed and Darby (friends from college)
2. Jake and Jodi (friend from grad school)
3. Jessica and Kenny (friend from college - going to be top 3 best weddings)
4. Kelsey and Adam (sorority sister and family member)
I think there are more, but I just can't remember at the moment...I like weddings, but COME ON, PEOPLE! Just kidding, Jess...I have high hopes for yours. :o)
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
The list
In a conversation with a good friend this morning, he suggested I make a list of the things I want in a guy. I do believe the advice he gave me was: "By this point, you need to break down exactly what you want from a relationship. You are too old now for nonsense."
Point taken. Jeff, here you go.
My list:
*1. Intelligent (or has the ability to carry on an intelligent conversation)
*2. Not so hippie that I can't take him home to my shotgun-toting dad.
*3. In tune to my need for space and having my own life; he should
have HIS own life and friends, too.
4. The ability to "go with the flow" whether it's out at a club or a
night, quiet game night in.
5. Doesn't make inappropriate comments to me (some flirtation is okay,
but dirty has a time and place).
6. Eclectic taste in movies, music, interests, etc.
7. Has a job or a degree or an idea of what he wants to do with his
life (and it has to be at least reasonable)
8. Ability to manage money (not frugal, but smarter than me).
*9. Great sense of humor - not gross, but sarcastic and a tad on the
"picking on me" side.
*10. Can't be a pussy - has to be able to stand up to me and tell me
what I need to hear, when I need to hear it.
11. Taller than me...
12. Not obsessed with his body image (this is a must), but would be
willing to run with me or go for a walk or hike every once in a while.
13. Can appreciate the merits of camping one weekend and city hopping
the next - I have a balance, so I want him to, too.
14. Physically proficient and giving...in the sack.
*15. Gets along with my friends and recognizes the need to have
"girl's nights" every once in a while, but could feel comfortable
around them, as well.
*Indicates a "dealbreaker"
Point taken. Jeff, here you go.
My list:
*1. Intelligent (or has the ability to carry on an intelligent conversation)
*2. Not so hippie that I can't take him home to my shotgun-toting dad.
*3. In tune to my need for space and having my own life; he should
have HIS own life and friends, too.
4. The ability to "go with the flow" whether it's out at a club or a
night, quiet game night in.
5. Doesn't make inappropriate comments to me (some flirtation is okay,
but dirty has a time and place).
6. Eclectic taste in movies, music, interests, etc.
7. Has a job or a degree or an idea of what he wants to do with his
life (and it has to be at least reasonable)
8. Ability to manage money (not frugal, but smarter than me).
*9. Great sense of humor - not gross, but sarcastic and a tad on the
"picking on me" side.
*10. Can't be a pussy - has to be able to stand up to me and tell me
what I need to hear, when I need to hear it.
11. Taller than me...
12. Not obsessed with his body image (this is a must), but would be
willing to run with me or go for a walk or hike every once in a while.
13. Can appreciate the merits of camping one weekend and city hopping
the next - I have a balance, so I want him to, too.
14. Physically proficient and giving...in the sack.
*15. Gets along with my friends and recognizes the need to have
"girl's nights" every once in a while, but could feel comfortable
around them, as well.
*Indicates a "dealbreaker"
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Is this what panic looks like?
Last night, I looked in the mirror for a long time, studying my face and pointing out the flaws to myself. I have the typical college student's bags under my eyes, the flecks of mascara under my eyes from being a little groggy while studying and the small scab on my chin from nervously picking at a problem zit. Not exactly attractive, I was thinking. But this isn't the face of someone who has their shit together - no sir. This is the face of someone who, in less than two months, could be living in a storage unit. This is the face of panic.
Now, I'm trying not to exaggerate, but I can't help but feel an extreme sense of panic when I look that far into the future. In my head, the year is laid out in a calendar format. There are two rows of months, all nice and neat and ready to be lived. Normally, I can see all the months and the occasional big dates stick out at me - various weddings, family trips and the day school starts...but starting at the end of May, the two months in between then and the fall semester are completely blank. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. There are options floating around out there, but until I hear back from a few of them, I'm left in the cold and staring down the barrel of a dark summer.
As I get closer and closer to the end of the semester, motivation is getting thinner and thinner. Not sure what will pull me out of the dark hole, but until then, it's procrastination and panic.
Now, I'm trying not to exaggerate, but I can't help but feel an extreme sense of panic when I look that far into the future. In my head, the year is laid out in a calendar format. There are two rows of months, all nice and neat and ready to be lived. Normally, I can see all the months and the occasional big dates stick out at me - various weddings, family trips and the day school starts...but starting at the end of May, the two months in between then and the fall semester are completely blank. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. There are options floating around out there, but until I hear back from a few of them, I'm left in the cold and staring down the barrel of a dark summer.
As I get closer and closer to the end of the semester, motivation is getting thinner and thinner. Not sure what will pull me out of the dark hole, but until then, it's procrastination and panic.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Contagious as a monkey
I've finally contracted the cold that everyone in my life seemed to have last week and now, in one of the busiest months I will ever have, I am sick as a dog and getting progressively worse. It started Sunday with a sore throat and continued Monday. I thought if I stayed home from class Monday afternoon, I would nap and take some Vitamin C and feel better this morning. No such luck.
Since then, I have a REALLY sore throat and now, to go along with it, I have a runny nose and a hacking cough. I don't smoke - I swear! If I don't feel better tomorrow morning, it's off to the Student Health Center to get some cheap doctor advice and hopefully nip this bug in the bud.
On a lighter note, the cold was probably caused by minimal sleep during a stellar birthday week. I celebrated with family and friends and truly feel loved by all of them. I L-O-V-E LOVE birthdays!
Since then, I have a REALLY sore throat and now, to go along with it, I have a runny nose and a hacking cough. I don't smoke - I swear! If I don't feel better tomorrow morning, it's off to the Student Health Center to get some cheap doctor advice and hopefully nip this bug in the bud.
On a lighter note, the cold was probably caused by minimal sleep during a stellar birthday week. I celebrated with family and friends and truly feel loved by all of them. I L-O-V-E LOVE birthdays!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
What the future holds
I just completed my application for the New Mexico Fellows Program for Summer 2009. I have applied to work with the Economic Development Department, and I want it so bad! It's perfect for me - writing, research, editing and developing promotion materials for their many programs. I will send it all off tomorrow, and then wait to hear until probably the end of April. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
This week is the week of my 25th birthday, which is super exciting (because I love birthdays) and scary (because I'm halfway to 50). OMG. I know.
This week is the week of my 25th birthday, which is super exciting (because I love birthdays) and scary (because I'm halfway to 50). OMG. I know.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)